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Weird Websites - Weird News Stories.
TREES SEEKING REVENGE SECRET PLOT TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD

Now it can be told! On promise of anonymity, a stool pigeon, who perched on a branch in a whispering pine heard it all and is willing to share, for what she considers an appropriate amount of seed money of course. Her testimony was confirmed by a partridge, who had been perched in a nearby pear tree and also was privy to hearing the nefarious plot.


“They’re planning to take over the world,” the stool pigeon told the media. “I heard it all! They call it taking back the land, taking back what was originally theirs.”
“They stole our land,” the chief of the California redwoods, one of the leading royal families was reported to have said. “They uprooted our families, causing us to be split up.”

 

California redwoods at Redwoods along the Smith River, Jedediah Smith Redwoods State Park, California

. . . where the Redwood Revolution began

 


“There are terrible stories passed down through history,” shared Winover Willow. “I just can’t talk about them. They are so horrible our family still weeps when they are mentioned.” She wiped her eyes with one of her branches. “I’m sorry,” she added. “I know crying like this after all these years have passed makes me look like a sap, but I just can’t help it.”

“We still pine for our loved ones,” was said to have been added by a small spruce.
“They have it all planned out,” the stool pigeon told the media. Her snapping black eyes looked from side to side as she stared at the crowd through the bag which she was wearing over her head to protect her identity. She lowered her voice. “We have to be careful not to be overheard, she said. “They have spies everywhere. Those little helicopter seeds some send out. They report back regularly. Some of the animals in the woods poo pah what the trees are saying they are going to do. They claim they are more bark then bite. But I heard them as they spoke. I think they will carry out their plan. They are going to try to take over the world. Take my word for it. Many of those trees are really cireus. The king’s red ruby and the Thompson seedless are especially fanatical about this. They have spies that are living right in your homes, ones which you nurture, feeding and tending to them and they report back to their leaders, telling them the deepest secrets of you, the humans who have invaded and taken over their land.”
“But how can this be?” asked one member of the media skeptically. “How can trees possibly have spies in our homes?”
“In one word,” said the pigeon. “Bonsai!”


A gasp went up through the crowd. “Not Christopher Nicholas!” said one Bonsai lover in horror, thinking of her Christmas cactus. “Why he loves me, he’s a member of the family.”
“Yes!” said the stool pigeon. “I’ve heard that name. “Christopher Nicholas and Whitman Michael, the pine, I’ve heard both those names when the spies have been mentioned. The only one who seems to be showing any loyalty at all to you is Elvis, the maple, and even he is starting to lean the other way.”

Mankind strikes back - another California redwood hits the ground


“Something has to be done,” said a member of the Arbor Armed Services when word of the disloyalty of the stool pigeon was reported. “We’ll need to branch out. Now that the humans have word of our plans we’ll need to enlist the help of our cousins the plants. They can be even better spies than our own Bonsai brothers because they are kept in the homes and offices of the humans year round. We will take back our own lands. Remember our battle cry, trees are not grown to become rulers!”
 

 

Story by our news reporter Gail McLeod - Working for Independence

 

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