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Alien eats old woman in New York



One of the greatest things about New York City is its diversity. While walking down the center of Times Square, you might be drowned out by seven or eight languages jabbering simultaneously.

New York City, which is absolutely busting at the seams with culture and people, has only one question on its mind: how to make room for new, uninvited guests—guests with an apparent craving for flesh.

New York

“It’s not a question whether these things exist anymore,” said ex-Mayor Giuliani in an un-televised press conference, “it’s now a question of what to do about them; these visitors from some different galaxy,” he commented referring to the April 13th UFO and alien sighting in Central Park.

The aliens, who appeared suddenly around six in the evening, were spotted in what was thought to be an incoming weather balloon. The UFO, reportedly only the size of three cars and incandescent in the light of dusk, “ … was hovering twelve feet [four meters] above the ground for one or two minutes, as a crew of joggers and we drunken hobos watched in amazement,” said one witness of peculiar odor on the scene.

A hatch underneath the spaceship was said to have opened. “Out came this thing that looked like it was dripping something off it,” said a banker strolling in the park, “It came out and blinked at us for one or two minutes. It’s eyelids came up from the bottom of its eyes. Then, it just turned around, heading back to the ship, like it wasn’t interested in us anymore.”

New Yorkers, some scared, and others excited about the revelation that we are not alone in the universe threw parties in the streets all night long. The city declared itself in a state of emergency. There wasn’t as much chaos as what was thought would occur as the city’s new mayor, Mayor Bloomberg, had hoped. It seemed the incident unified the people as humans, and made people think differently about what being human was all about; that we are all a part of one planet, not just different groups and cultures merely co-habiting on some giant rock.

“Since the aliens haven’t returned and there’ve been no signs of them doing so,” as reported by the Association in Line for Independent Extraterrestrial Naturalization (ALIEN), overseen by Mr. Michael Riegelman, “I see no need for uproar. It’s actually a time we should come together. Our organization is working on a means by which we hope to send signals into outer space, contacting our distant brethren, bringing them back—showing them we have a lot more to offer.”

Alien Being

Others are also hopeful for their return. Many have set up camp in Central Park where the scene took place. They too are hoping to catch just a glimpse. “Just before the alien entered back into his spaceship,” continued the same banker above, “an old lady with her poodle must have gotten to close. The alien stepped back inside and as the hatch closed, the lady was sucked inside the ship. We all held our breaths as the spaceship hovered higher. Just as it disappeared into space, the old lady’s nightgown—her moo moo, along with her dog’s pink sweater and leash parachuted down into the grass. There was a note on it.” The note, now being auctioned on Ebay by Mr. Riegelman and other ALIEN members in hopes for future funding, read, “Nice planet. But, the take-out meals sure are crap.”










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