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Weird Websites - Weird News Stories.
DOCTORS AND COMPUTER TECHNICIANS WORK AROUND THE CLOCK TO TRY TO PERFECT A VACINE FOR THE VIRUS WHICH SEEMS TO BE ATTACKING BOTH HUMANS AND COMPUTERS ALIKE.

Up until recently, viruses which have invaded the human population have seemed to have no connection with the viruses which have invaded the electronic world yet recently there seems to be a new strain of influenza which is permeating both groups.


“There are too many similarities, too many coincidences, if you want to call them that, for us to turn our backs any longer,” said Dr. Henry.Edex, research specialist at the famed Harvard University in Cambridge, Massachusetts.


In humans the disease seems to manifest itself in bloodshot eyes, people suddenly finding themselves starting to fall forward while sitting down, tired aching muscles, endless nights spent at the computer, working hard yet at later retrospect seeming to have accomplished nothing, falling asleep at the computer only to awaken some hours later only to find that it has grown too late to go to bed, knowing that by the time one has gotten ready for bed it will be time to get up again.

 

Magnified 10,000,000,000 the virus has an amazing resemblance to a squirrel - scientist say that this is the very reason that it can attack both humans and computers.


In computers, the disease seems to manifest itself in screens which turn red around the edges, tendencies to disconnect themselves from being on the internet without any warning given to computer users, and computers refusing to be disconnected from the internet, staying on for hours at a time, being willing to be disconnected only when it is almost time for them to begin their daily schedules once again.


“There is a definite connection,” said Edex. “The similarities are too real. Furthermore, homes in which the human virus exists seem always to have computers suffering from the similarly acting strange virus which has permeated them. Homes without computers are very seldom visited by the human virus.”


“I have never seen anything like it in my entire life,” said Joseph Newman, renowned computer technologist and inventor of the elusive ‘any’ key, which many computer users still fail to find, having to substitute the space bar in its place. “A number of people have even reported to me that they have heard their computers sneeze, causing sheets of computer paper to be forcefully ejected from their attached printers.”


This virus seems to be spreading rapidly, attacking not only the traditional computers but also other computerized objects such as computerized toys. Many of the well known Tickle Me Elmo dolls are fading fast, their bright red coloring turning into a pale pink and the screaming laughter for which they are so well known, becoming a faint squeak.

 

This young girl and her computer caught the virus - it is not clear whether the girl infected the computer or the computer infected the girl.


 

“Many people who rely on computers for their daily work are now making use of alternative substitutes,” report statisticians. “Stores like WalMart and Staples have seen a major upswing in the sales of notebooks, pencils and pens.”


The United States Postal Service has also reported their largest sale of stamps and stamped envelopes since the early 1990’s when email began to become a serious competitor to the traditional mail which began to be referred to as ‘snail mail’.

 

Picture of a USA stamp - for those who have forgotten what they look like.


Both doctors and technicians are beginning to quarantine homes and offices in which this virus is showing up in hopes of slowing down its rapid increase.
Both Dr. Edex and Joseph Newman have promised that they will not give up the fight to find a cure for this virus.
 

 

Story by our news reporter Gail McLeod - Working for Independence

 

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